Now as small as Siloam Baptist Church is, they have some hip older people who are FB savvy. Sounds like a community Dr. Herbert Walters could possibly get along with, right? So, I included the link to their FB page. You can look through their pictures (especially their first album, and see Mrs. Nell their oldest living member - who will be 100 in 2010!).
Also, I wanted to give you a little music that Siloam Baptist is especially fond of while you look through the pictures (minus the guy's really high voice, there are a lot more baritones in the Siloam choir). Maybe it can shed light on where I am coming from with Laura Dell's character. :)
A very nice intro Ally---I especially love the way you describe the grandparents’ house. It gives so much depth to Laura Dell’s character and quickly enlightens readers about her past in a very entertaining way. The mention of the water hose incident is particularly funny in a nostalgic sort of way that lends itself to presenting Laura Dell’s character is very rooted to place.
ReplyDeleteThe change of setting from Siloam to Chicago is very abrupt, but I think it is fitting. This gives us a start contrast between the two settings that the reader can’t help but take note of.
I’m glad you worked in a bird image early in the story. This will serve as some symbolic foreshadowing. I hope that we wait a while before actually involving the dead sparrow into the plot.
The interaction between Laura Dell and her brother also develops her character on a different level. This is the first real interaction and dialogue and it is also well done.
I’m also glad that you held off with Dr. Walters’ character. Just as you did, I think his introduction deserves to wait until the second chapter. You did a fine job of developing Laura Dell’s character for interaction with him though! Great work!