Laura Dell sat her suitcase on the winding staircase of her grandparents’ old house in Siloam, Alabama. She had come back to visit once more before she took off to Chicago for her graduate work at the Field Museum of Natural History. She walked lightly around the memories that lingered in the old home. The screen door leading to the backyard didn’t hang properly from all the times she and her brother had come running through. One summer John William, who wanted to be a fireman more than anything, ran through the house with the water hose yelling, “This here ol’ place is goin’ up in smokes like the devil’s house! Everybody out, everybody out!” Water covered everything that day; even the curtains were washed of their sins. Laura Dell smiled and turned back towards the front door. She ran her fingers along the wrinkled floral wallpaper, yellowed from the years of wear and sun. She could still smell golden crusts of apple pies that had risen out of her grandmother’s oven and her grandfather’s old fishing hat that smelled like the Alabama River. The hallway pictures of her grandmother’s great cousins on this side and that side of the family along with so-and-so’s great Aunt Gertie stared at her. To them, she was still ten years old, the baby of the entire extended family; she was free to play and roam as she wished. At that moment, she could have stayed in their presence for a lifetime.
She looked at her mother’s watch on her wrist. It was 9:15. Siloam Methodist Church did not tolerate tardiness so she took her bags and walked to the screened front door. Before pulling the door shut, she closed her eyes and whispered goodbye to Mamaw and Pepaw’s house on Cedar Crest Lane. She locked the door and stepped from one frame of her to another.
* * *
The air in Chicago was just as she had imagined, but as with all dreams in reality, something was astray. The smells of the city made Chicago feel like her brother’s room when she was little; it never ceased to amaze her how much little boys could smell like the outside world. In Chicago, the asphalt, sidewalk hotdog-stands, constant exhaust, and steam from the sewers blew to and fro with the shifting traffic. Just before she stepped into the stiff winter wind, she breathed deeply into her scarf and heavy overcoat to soak in all the warmth she could. She was used to the southern sun that wasted no time changing to spring; like her distant cousins from Vermont, winter usually brought the warm southern air back to Siloam, Alabama, regardless of whether or not it was invited. For the past four years, she had worn cotton dresses on Christmas day.
The gift she received this Christmas was the internship acceptance letter the Field Museum. Her brother had shouted up to her room early one quiet morning after the big Christmas gathering, “Laura, you have some mail on the kitchen counter.” Her mother was out visiting her great Aunt Mattie, all the relatives were gone, and the house stood silent. Not wishing to disturb the rest she finally had, Laura Dell simply snuggled back in her bed and watched the Carolina wrens snuggled in their nest outside in the Oak tree next to her bedroom window. She admired their small lives and imagined the Mama bird giving the baby birds an early morning lesson in tone, technique, and overall composition of their newly fashioned songs. Their talent was natural, unlike her ability to get into a graduate program.
Laura Dell knew the letter must be from the sixth program she had applied to since her graduation that May. It wasn’t that Laura Dell disregarded the importance of mail at this point in her college career, but the first five of the six programs she had applied too had respectfully declined her. Many of the letters politely explained that she was highly qualified, but the positions were already filled. She heard a knock on the door, “Laura Dell, I think you need to open this one,” her brother said. Her eyes opened wide and she tried to stuff down the overwhelming sense of rejection carried within a weightless object. The Field Museum of Natural History in Chicago was not her first choice, but it had become her last hope. Bracing herself and pulling on her soft yellow housecoat, she opened the door to see her brother grinning.
He waved the letter in front of her and backed away as she reached for it. Not in the mood for games, Laura Dell groaned, but John William was determined to get beneath her skin and poked her. Deep down, Laura Dell knew she would end up giving in, but she was almost a graduate student, and it was about time John William had started acting 26. John William thought just the opposite, and constantly reminded her to loosen up. Laura Dell had backed John William into the corner railing outside the guest bedroom and moved in for the victorious snatch when John William ducked beneath her and rounded the end of the hallway nearly stumbling down the whole flight of stairs to the kitchen. She sprinted after him, jumped the last two steps, and slid across the kitchen floor in her slippers. Following her brother’s clumsiness, however, she ended up beneath the kitchen table on her back. The kitchen door creaked back open at the thud as John William looked around trying not to laugh at her, but Laura Dell couldn’t help herself and she started giggling. He came over, sat on the linoleum floor beside her, and handed her the letter. She wiped a couple tears from her laughter, and sighed a heavily before she unfolded it. She couldn’t handle another rejection, “Dear Miss Dell, we are pleased to extend to you an invitation to be a part of our team…23rd of January…8:00 a.m. Thank you for applying with us!” Laura Dell dropped the letter and let out a victory yelp, “I’m going to Chicago!” That one letter made the entire Christmas worthwhile.
Trying to ignore the biting cold that seemed to slip its icy fingers right through her overcoat, Laura Dell made her way up to the bare and chilled steps to the Field Museum. Laura Dell knew she would never forget her walks to the Museum in Chicago. She had a parking pass to the Museum, but she preferred walking. A few years ago when her father passed away, she had realized to slow down in life. That year she boxed up her running shoes, and invested in some converse sneakers.
She waved to Eddie, the security manager she met on the day of orientation, swiped her card, and started down the hall to the observatory room. The glassed, preserved mammals welcomed her. Just as masterpieces leave their viewers standing in unprovoked reverential silence, so Laura Dell walked by intricate, delicate, and extravagant creatures of the Field Museum of Natural History in Chicago, Illinois. She nodded at them as she walked by as if to say good morning to them all; it had quickly become a silent, humble ritual in the few days she had worked there. As she entered the observatory room with light spilling in from the steeple high windows, she was greeted by the largest preserved t-Rex in the United States. Not noticing an older man quietly moving into the presence of the theropod from the south entrance of the museum, she laughed a little as she acknowledged the seemingly tiny name on the plaque beside its giant big toe. This was “Sue.”
A true southerner with the hips to prove it, Sue stood 13 feet high from the hip and 42 feet long. Around the 1990’s Sue Hendrickson found this leading lady of the dinosaur world on the eastern coast of Virginia. The team of paleontologists hypothesized that the dinosaur, or Sue, was migrating South for the winter, but the cause of its death was unknown. Laura Dell figured it must have been a heat stroke, but she was glad to see Sue looking alert and perfectly preserved. She smiled to see a southern face. “Lovely morning isn’t it, Ms. Sue?” she said and squinted as light continued to overflow into the expanse of white marble in the opening room to the museum.
The old man shifted his body to sit on a bench and the echo startled Laura. She checked her mother’s watch; the man must have been waiting at the south entrance, and came in right at the opening. She watched him breathe heavily and rest both hands on his cane. The black rubber stopper on the cane looked brand new, and the shaft of the cane didn’t have a scratch. Old age did not seem to come natural to him, and Laura Dell imagined that he frequently forgot that his body did not function as well as it used to. He wore a brown tweed overcoat and a crisply ironed button-up shirt. There was a crest of some sort on the right upper corner of the jacket that Laura Dell couldn’t make out. He carried a newspaper and a small leather notebook. A pen was tucked neatly into his shirt pocket. She sighed and quietly admired his strength for walking here this morning and wondered if she had ever seen him out on one of her walks before. In a way, she found communion with the older man and fossilized theropod, and Laura Dell stood silently watching the shifting Chicago sun age their skin and bones.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
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Does anyone know how to make my paragraphs indent properly?
ReplyDeleteExcellent set up!
ReplyDeleteI am loving the tying thread between the dinosaur, Herbert, and Laura Dell. I think it would be interesting to bring up Sue's southern heritage in conversation between Herbert and Laura Dell.
I'm still curious to know exactly what our conflict is going to be. Will Laura Dell become homesick at some point? Will Herbert help Laura or vice versa? For the next chapter it could be interesting to consider presenting some background and depth into Herbert. Have we considered flipping perspectives from Herbert to Laura Dell and back? Just a thought to throw out there!
Allie, wonderful work. I was truly caught up in the fictive dream that you crafted for our intro! I'm eager to see what everyone else thinks and where our novel will go from here!
Cheers,
- Megan F.
Also Allie, unsure how to indent the paragraphs...wish I could help, but I'm not Blogger layout savvy.
ReplyDeleteThanks Megan! I will keep working on that paragraph thing.
ReplyDeleteA very nice intro Ally---I especially love the way you describe the grandparents’ house. It gives so much depth to Laura Dell’s character and quickly enlightens readers about her past in a very entertaining way. The mention of the water hose incident is particularly funny in a nostalgic sort of way that lends itself to presenting Laura Dell’s character is very rooted to place.
ReplyDeleteThe change of setting from Siloam to Chicago is very abrupt, but I think it is fitting. This gives us a start contrast between the two settings that the reader can’t help but take note of.
I’m glad you worked in a bird image early in the story. This will serve as some symbolic foreshadowing. I hope that we wait a while before actually involving the dead sparrow into the plot.
The interaction between Laura Dell and her brother also develops her character on a different level. This is the first real interaction and dialogue and it is also well done.
I’m also glad that you held off with Dr. Walters’ character. Just as you did, I think his introduction deserves to wait until the second chapter. You did a fine job of developing Laura Dell’s character for interaction with him though! Great work!
Well done! And thanks for the "while you wait" post, too. Love the new interactions with John William, and adore "Ms. Sue." Wondering what that crest on Walters' jacket is all about...Hmmm...
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about indenting each paragraph. But DO double space to indicate a paragraph break.
What a great start! Thanks for launching it, Allie:)
Good job. The opening scene gives us a good idea of where the character comes from and the following bit with the brother was also nicely built up the character a little more.
ReplyDeleteI have never been to Chicago but I imagine it is very cold. I am not quite sure what to make of the father's death and the "boxing up" of the running shoes, but it does leave space for potential conflict between our two characters.
Speaking of Herb, I like that you left the majority of his introduction up for the next writer. The part you did write was interesting. "Old age did not come naturally to him" I really like that line. It gives him some conflict before we even meet him.
Also Megan's idea of switching perspectives to Herbert's sounded intriguing.
I'll leave a short comment.
ReplyDeleteOur intro spends some time on her acceptance letter. Perhaps we can use letters at different places throughout our project. Could provide us with a conflict or just some narrative pressures.
I think you provided us with an absolutely wonderful introduction!
ReplyDeleteI also like that you spent so much time with Laura Dell and introduced Herbert but didn't dig into his character. You really painted a great picture of our small town Alabama girl in Chicago!
I also think the switching perspectives sounded like an interesting idea to throw around and also loved Sue!
Thanks for starting us off Allie!
Great start for our story. I really enjoyed some of your imagery like when you talk about soaking up all the warmth in the scarf. Really liked how Sue was a true southerner with hips to prove it.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the background links that really helps to get a sense of just what we are describing.
I thought it was really good! I'm interested to see what's going to happen with Herbert and if he is connected to Sue too. I'm also really interested in the emblem on Herbert's jacket. Someone (maybe Kasey) had Herbert as a Dr. and I think that could be a really interesting place to go. Overall I think we are off to a good start!
ReplyDeleteAllie, I love it! Great description and flashback of Laura Dell's home life with her brother, really sets up the important of her deep southern roots, which is also exposed through her comfort in "Ms. Southern Sue"! What a great sense of comic relief! I also loved your description of Herbert, you did an excellent job of portraying him externally, allowing the reader to imagine what he looks like without giving away too much too soon. Really great first chapter, thanks so much!
ReplyDeleteAllie-I really like the way you've set up our story! I think that Sue is great and she should stick around. I'm really interested to see how Herbert develops. I definitely think the pin on his jacket should be a crest from a school or something that represents his education. I think that if he is a doctor he is probably really proud of his background and that could reflect his character. Great start!
ReplyDeleteGreat start Allie. I enjoyed the additions to what you had in class.There is great detail here and a lot to work with.
ReplyDeleteI think you did a wonderful job! I love how you made Sue southern. I think you did a great job of setting Herbert up, especially with how old age doesn't seem to come natural to him.
ReplyDeleteI love the line "a true southerner, with the hips to prove it," you have a great talent for painting a clear (and unexpected) picture within a succinct line!
Allie, I really liked the way you used memories to help visualize the house, and compare her southern upbringing to her new situation in Chicago.
ReplyDeleteI also really liked how you introduced Dr. Walters, but didn't go into any real depth with him.
However, there was one thing that I wasn't sure about. Why did you move Sue from the Dakotas (where she was really discovered, I think) to Virginia? I'm not really sure what that might add to the story other than the link between this huge T. Rex and comparatively tiny Laura Dell.
Other than that, I really enjoyed this chapter!
allie,
ReplyDeletethere's some great description in here, and i'm excited that this is how we're starting. i love that chicago smells just like her brother's room,and a hat that smells like the alabama river.
drew
i love the description of the house-- is it like your actual grandparents' house or did you invent a new one? either way, i like it!
ReplyDeleteHi Allie,
ReplyDeleteGreat start. I love “She locked the door and stepped from one frame of her life to another.” Do you write poetry?